Falling
by Butter Burner
Summary: "She would swipe you away. Your heart, your mind, your everything. And then tear it all apart. Without even caring what you felt. Even if your whole world was now shattered to pieces. Like mine was, more then once..." James's POV!!! R&R *CH 4 UP!!!*
1. Prologue

A/N Well, I'm starting a new fic and I hope you'll all enjoy it. The thing is, it's really hard writing 3 fics at once and I didn't really wanted to add to the stress by another fic but this just didn't leave my head. So if you want me to continue REVIEW!!! I'm not going to continue it if you won't, I mean it!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Characters and all you recognize is JK's, some of the plot is based on the book "The Witch From Melchet 3" By Gady Taub and a few ideas are taken from "There Are Kids Zigzag" by David Grossman and all the rest is mine ;)  
  
Summary: "She would swipe you away. Your heart, your mind, your everything. And then tear it all apart. Without even caring what you felt. Even if your whole world was now shattered to pieces. Like mine was, more then once..." James's POV!!!  
  
BFalling/B  
  
Prologue  
  
From the first time I saw her I knew that she was dangerous.  
  
Well, maybe as an eleven year old I didn't quite think a girl like that could be dangerous, but I knew that there was something powerful about her.  
  
Now, at age seventeen, I know she is dangerous too well.  
  
I learned it the hard way.  
  
She has the power incredibly beautiful people have.  
  
Her dazzling emerald eyes would bewitch you.  
  
Enchant you.  
  
And you will be lost.  
  
Forever...  
  
It was as if she didn't quite understand what she was doing.  
  
But she did.  
  
She tested how far could one go for her.  
  
Tested.  
  
For fun.  
  
She was cruel, some even said heartless.  
  
She would swipe you away.  
  
Your heart, your mind, your everything.  
  
And then tear it all apart.  
  
Without even caring what you felt.  
  
Even if your whole world was now shattered to pieces.  
  
Like mine was.  
  
More then once.  
  
Fun.  
  
That's what everything was about.  
  
But love?  
  
What did love mean for her?  
  
I'm not even sure she knew something like that was real.  
  
And if she experienced something like that.  
  
So many told her they loved her.  
  
But did she love one of them in return?  
  
No, I'm assuming not.  
  
I told her more then once how much I loved her.  
  
She found it quite amusing  
  
Why did I fell for her?  
  
No, not because of her beauty.  
  
I actually don't know why.  
  
I just know there is something about her.  
  
Something powerful.  
  
Lily Evans - The girl I fell for.  
  
I fell, and it hurt.  
  
A/N This was very short but it's only the prologue. REVIEW!!! And I will love you forever and, maybe, continue this. 


	2. Eyes Only for Her

A/N Wow!!! You guys I'm so shocked! You actually seem to like it! 23 reviews! THANKS!!!  
  
Falling  
  
Chapter One: Eyes Only For Her  
  
Me, Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting in the Gryffindor table eating breakfast and talking about Quidditch, practices, homework, lessons, yada yada yada.  
  
My eyes were drifting along the lines of students while Sirius started explaining about his new pranks strategies.  
  
As I looked at the entrance she stepped in with her Gryffindor friends and my heart gave a little jolt, like always.  
  
They were all laughing and joking about something. A huge green was plastered upon her face and her eyes were sparkling.  
  
But for a split second I saw something different in her eyes. A mixture of emotions - she looked tired, sad and even lonely. Her eyes drifted away to a far place I wish I knew.  
  
Then one of the girls addressed her and in a blink her eyes were full of joy again. She smiled and broke into a giggle.  
  
They sat down at the other end of the table and continued to laugh, but I couldn't forget the look on her face. For the first time in seven years I wandered if she really had friends. She was popular, sure, but did she really have someone to share her feelings with?  
  
She was different and I doubt someone really understood her.  
  
I directed my eyes to Sirius again and saw the knowing look on his face. He didn't need to ask, he already knew which witch my mind was going to.  
  
"You've only got eyes for her James." He once joked in first year. He didn't know how true it was.  
  
Sirius was the only person who knew how deep my love for Lily was. Yes, it was a known fact I had a 'thing' for her, but Sirius was the only one except me who knew it was much more then that. How I, in first and second year, used to sit in the Gryffindor common room for hours doing nothing hoping that maybe she'll pass by. Or how I had a scarf she once forgot somewhere under my pillow, it still has her scent. Or how...  
  
But although Sirius knew all about it I don't think he ever understood why.  
  
Why did I fall for Lily Evans.  
  
Why her from all people.  
  
And why I still loved her after all she put me through.  
  
I shook my head. I can get so caught up in daydreaming.  
  
We finished breakfast and made our way to the Charms classroom. We seated ourselves in the second row when she came in with the other girls. And sat - right in front of me. It wasn't hard to guess where she'd sit. Lily Evans wouldn't miss a class even if her life depended on it. Perfect student, perfect grades. Prefect and this year Head Girl. She was a complete goody two shoes - when it came to school.  
  
I looked at her amazing red hair. She always put it up. Ponytail, tomato, braid Etc. It was such a rare sight to see her with her hair down that even I saw it's real length only about 5 times. She even didn't put it down when she was asleep, but please don't ask me how I know that.  
  
This time she put it in two braids - Redlocks. The boys used to tease her endlessly for her red hair. And she hated it. I remember the time she hexed Amos Diggory from Hufflepuff. He spent the entire week at the infirmary. Her temper is famous here. Which makes her even more attractive to some. As I heard they: 'like 'em feisty.' I prefer not to think about it.  
  
Filtwick entered and the class began. It's not my best subject but I can manage... But she's the best in the year. Even her wand's good for Charms. Willow made, swishy, ten and a quarter inches long. It's weird, since she's a muggle born, but I guess she's a natural.  
  
Muggle born. I remember the look on her parent's face when they brought her to the Hogwarts Express. I found it funny, it all seemed normal to me. I'm a pure blood, there isn't a trace of muggles in our blood. It seems important, as my father mentions it in every family reunion.  
  
My father. Jefferson Rupert Potter. A senior in the Ministry of Magic, owner of the Potter manor, close friends with the Minister of Magic, top of his class at Hogwarts, important donator to Magical institutes and such, Godric Gryffindor blood runs through his veins, a huge fortune holder - and a muggle born hater.  
  
Of course, it's all well hidden from the press. But my father doesn't let me forget for one second who we are. If he'll discover I'm head over heals for a muggle born he'll probably have a fit. No, I was raised up for more then that. James Daniel Potter will marry a high society girl and will proudly continue the generation of the Potters. I don't think so.  
  
It really doesn't matter what *I* think though, since he never listens to my own opinion and needs anyway, but I'm not going to tolerate this for long. I'm becoming an Auror straight after Hogwarts and moving as far away as possibly from my father's reach. That is, if I'll be with Lily by then. If not I'll just have to wait and see where she'll go. And then I'll follow.  
  
Yes, my thoughts always come back to her one way or another...  
  
But that's not something new.  
  
A/N I'm sorry it was so short but I wanted it to end in the right place.  
  
REVIEW!!!  
  
Updates and other stuff concerning my stories development can be found in my livejournal:  
  
www.livejournal.com/users/tta comment ;)  
  
I luv making new friends so if you want you can contact me via my journal or email: tta@hotmail.co.il  
  
Thanks to all the amazing reviewers:  
  
AllyStar  
  
Aharrypotterfan1 - *runs away frightened* please don't kill me!!!  
  
Hello  
  
Scarlett*eyes  
  
Snufaluqus  
  
Leah - poetic? Wow...  
  
littleginblossom - well, since you must now...  
  
Jess The Great - I like head over heals James after bitchy, although I prefere to call her 'cruel', Lily too ;) No, shame it isn't...  
  
Moon Princess  
  
gwerty  
  
Oliverwoodschic  
  
japLe  
  
Atlantis Forester  
  
lady fuchsia  
  
Alohomora - And you were right!!! Oh! I couldn't have done it without you!!! Kisses!  
  
CassieOwls  
  
lil lily  
  
marzoog - yeah! courage Jamsie!!! Hmmm... Lily finding out? I'll think about this one... thanks!!!  
  
Meghan  
  
Y. Kuang - Thank you so much for reviewing! Yes, I do have paragraphs this time... Poetic... I'm faltered. *blushes*  
  
Shaggy - I wouldn't be able to end this sad... 


	3. Beyond Reach

A/N So sorry for the long wait, I'm so very sorry. CoS came out you see, I went watching it 3 times!!! 2 in a row and the third time was two days after that... *sigh* loved it!!! But I now have Hannuka holiday so I'm updating!!! Yay!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Characters and all you recognize is JK's, some of the plot is based on the book "The Witch From Melchet 3" By Gady Taub and a few ideas are taken from "There Are Kids Zigzag" by David Grossman and all the rest is mine ;)  
  
Summary: "She would swipe you away. Your heart, your mind, your everything. And then tear it all apart. Without even caring what you felt. Even if your whole world was now shattered to pieces. Like mine was, more then once..." James's POV!!!  
  
Falling  
  
Chapter Three: Beyond Reach  
  
"I will now pair you into groups of two so you'll be able to start working." I perked up. What work? What pair?  
  
"Can you be any more oblivious to everything around you Prongs?" I looked at Sirius who was grinning broadly. He was always a master in reading my expressions.  
  
"Lupin, Patil." I heard professor's Filtwick's voice in the background.  
  
"What is he talking about Padfoot?" Sirius tutted under his breath.  
  
"Pettigrew, Johnson."  
  
"Completely irresponsible Mr. Potter, what will become of you?" Great Scott, why haven't I asked Remus or Peter?!  
  
"Black, Smith."  
  
"Sirius..." I was greeting under my teeth while he walked up to join his partner.  
  
"Potter, Evans." My eyes widened. What the fuck are we supposed to do?!  
  
She turned around, not even bothering to hide her reaction - disgust. But I'm used to it. A few years ago, when Sirius finally told me the thing I was dreading most and not able to accept, I almost punched him. But now I can say it almost without feeling anything, except hope that it might change, - Lily Evans loathes me.  
  
I watched her getting up and sitting in front of me in Sirius's empty chair.  
  
"Well?" She addressed me irritated.  
  
"What?" Why wouldn't Sirius tell me??? He better run after the class ends.  
  
"Take out your book!!!" Like I said, quite a temper.  
  
"Oh!" I quickly opened my bag and took the book out.  
  
"Good, step one complete." She mocked me, not something unusual.  
  
"Which chapter are we?" I managed asking.  
  
"God, were you listening at all?" Nope, I was too busy thinking about you.  
  
"How did I get stuck with him of all people?" She asked herself under her breath in a voice loud enough for me to hear. Those little stings from her hurt, but once I got used to them it isn't that bad. "We're not working on a particular charm or chapter, Potter," she emphasized my name hard. "Filtwick wants us to make a presentation of all the chapters we learned since the start of the year."  
  
"What?!" She's got to be kidding me!  
  
She rolled her eyes. "We'll be having the NEWT's this year!!! Get used to it. Now, we've got quite a work to do, as we already finished half of the book, so I suggest you start working, as I am going to receive the highest mark on this no matter who my partner is."  
  
"Right." Her disrespect annoyed me a little. She may not like me, but respect is not too much to ask, also owing to the fact I'm head boy, along with her as head girl, and this has got to mean something.  
  
The bell rang and she quickly gathered her belongings from the desk.  
  
"You'll continue working with your partner on the assignment on the next lesson." Filtwick piped to the students who were scrambling outside.  
  
"Can't wait." She murmured and passed me ignoring my exitence.  
  
  
  
Although she was mean to me, I enjoyed her company. You see, she isn't that bad actually. She's only horrible to the ones she hate, and, of course, to the ones who fell for her.  
  
Lily didn't always hate me. At first I was just another admirer. Another one to carry her books, assist her and so on and so on. (Believe me I can make the list very long.) But she started hating me - because she was frightened. Yes, frightened of me.  
  
Me.  
  
Or, to be more specified, the thing we 'share'. Not that she wants to share anything with me, but this was one of the few things beyond her reach. What was it?  
  
My love.  
  
She soon found out my love was different then her other fans' - because it lasted.  
  
When she hurt or dumped someone, he was miserable, and maybe hated her, and after a while indifferent to her, since she was so charming, and sometimes he even fell for her again.  
  
But when she hurt me I was miserable, but I never hated her, I was never indifferent to her, and I never fell for her again. Cause there was no again. I always loved her and I think I'll always will. It's beyond my reach as well.  
  
And I think that's why she's scared, that's why she hates me. After fully realizing it she banned me from her group. No, I still have friends, but I am destined never to be really popular. It doesn't bother me a lot, but I pity Peter. Peter - my friend, who's been given a hard time at school, partly because of me. Peter isn't what you'd call handsome, and people reminded him of that a lot. He isn't what you'd call athletic, and people reminded him of that a lot. He isn't what you'd call smart, and people reminded him of that a lot.  
  
Don't get me wrong, Peter is a lovely person, but he has his faults. And people, unfortunately, noticed them. Me, Remus and Sirius and doing our best to stop it, but it's not easy. Especially when it's the Slytherins.  
  
I got up and started leaving the classroom.  
  
Catching a glimpse of flaming red hair I half smiled.  
  
Love is strange. My case can prove it beyond any doubt. It's unreasonable, unstoppable, frightening, bitter-sweet, and the best thing there is.  
  
I sighed.  
  
The assignment wouldn't be easy, but at least it'll give me a while with Lily. Even though she'll probably spend half of the time mocking me.  
  
A/N Nice! I liked this one!!! And if you did as well please REVIEW!!!  
  
Updates and such can be found in my livejournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/tta  
  
And thanks to the ones who reviewed the last chapter:  
  
Kristatwen - I think I do too... but I'm not so sure... lol  
  
Y.Kuang - Male psyche *sigh* and they say women are complicated? *snort*  
  
ChildrenTheEmuIsNotAToy - Amanda? *puzzled*  
  
YouDon'tKnowWhoIAm (times 2) - The third best fic you ever read? *wow* amazed. THANKS!!! And, yes, it's very hard finding good fics... sadly enough.  
  
AngelChains142 - No idea, haven't figured it out yet... lol  
  
Alohamora - I liked the last line as well :) Many secrets I haven't even thought about... lol  
  
Shit and Giggles - I'm trying very hard to keep it original thanks!!!  
  
Atlantis Forester - Wicked? I love using that word!!! Lol... Isn't James a sweetheart? I know many girls who can fit Lily's description, but not one who will have such a sweetheart head over heels for her...  
  
reese  
  
lady fuchsia - hope you're knee will get better ;)  
  
jesusfreak7777777 - That's, I think, mainly because most of the L/J writers are girl.  
  
lil lily - Ditto.  
  
LilyFlower8602 


	4. Simply Irresistible

A/N After much thinking, and brainstorming with Alohamora I've come to write this chapter. And all I wish from you is to enjoy it and review...  
  
  
Falling  
  
Chapter Three: Simply Irresistible  
  
"Oy! Potter!" My head snapped towards Tom Weasly, who was already at the bottom of the pitch. "Practice is over." I looked around and noticed everyone were already heading towards the changing rooms and I was the only one in the air. I smiled sheepishly at him.   
  
"I'm going to stay here for a while okay?" He nodded at me and went into the changing rooms as well.   
I hovered above the pitch until everyone was inside. Then I started flying at full speed to the other side of the pitch.   
  
I love Quidditch. Possibly the best thing in the world after Lily and my friends. The wind blew into my face but I didn't care. I love flying all alone when practice is over. It's like a match, but without all the stress. And once I'm up in the air I can just let my mind go blank. Up there there isn't any Lily to think about. And there aren't any troubles, there's no stress and there's simply nothing. A carefree nothing. I love this nothing.  
  
And I don't care that the wind in howling like mad, and my ears are heated up and my nose numb and my entire body sore. Nothing can equal this.   
  
I've been on the team since second year. Tom said I have potential and every time practices aren't going at the best rate he keeps groaning and telling me I'm not fulfilling it. But he's a great captain, if you ignore his horrible habit of doing everything on the last second. Especially since Anna Starr accepted his offer of going together to the ball. He would run drills about every two weeks, but if a match is to come up he'll suddenly make us stay there night and day, literally! Peter never fails to get shocked by the fact that we miss lunch.   
  
We've won the cup two years ago, but Slytherin beat us last year. I don't think Tom ever forgave himself. Snape, the stupid slime ball, couldn't stop smirking for a month. But we'll get him this year, he'll see. The next match is against Hufflepuff and we'll show them all.   
  
I slowed down at the middle of the pitch and exhaled deeply. Everything was silent. The castle was far away and, except for a few lights around the pitch, everything was black. I stretched myself to a half lying position on the broom and closed my eyes. Blissful silence without anything to disturb it.  
  
"PRONGSIE! WAKE UP!"   
  
I gave a start and my heart started beating madly. Then I heard an all to familiar laughter.   
  
Padfoot was standing down and looking at me with a maniac grin plastered across his face. He's just nuts, and that's why he's my bestest friend in the entire world.   
  
I grinned back at him. "You coming down already?" he asked and I nodded and flew down. I dismounted my broom, put it on my shoulder and joined old Padfoot.  
  
We started walking towards the castle silently. Sirius' eyes seemed to be traveling all around the grounds, lost in thoughts. I was looking at the stars, which twinkled brightly. That's one of the things I can only do with Sirius. Walk silently. It's not that we don't have anything to talk about, there's always something, but sometimes just walking together is enough. I'll always have Sirius to talk to and to not-talk to.   
  
"That's one big project Filtwick gave us." Sirius first opened his mouth when we reached the oak doors of the castle. My mind instantly jumped to Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily. You think I already said everything there is to say about her? You couldn't have been more wrong.   
  
Sirius gave a sigh. "Her again?" I didn't even have to answer. He sighed dramatically once again. "What will I do with you Prongs?"   
  
I shrugged. "You're just going to have to stick with me I guess."   
  
"Course I am!" Sirius wrapped one arm around me shoulder and used the other one to mess up my hair, which was already completely messed up. I put my arm around his shoulder and we both laughed, feeling, for some weird reason, high. We marched up to the Gryffindor tower looking like completely drunken idiots. We couldn't care less.   
  
Just as we were in front of the fat lady it swung open and out came Lily Evans herself. She looked at us for a second, throwing a very high and mighty look upon us and murmured quietly: "childish fools."  
  
"What did you say?" Sirius didn't let go of my shoulder, on the contrary, he gripped it even tightly and he looked at her hard. She shook her head and looked at me.   
  
"We are going to start working on the project tomorrow after last class Potter." The unpleasantness of the situation was very clear in her voice.  
  
"But aren't we supposed to work on it next lesson?" I asked. What's the rush?  
  
She shook her head again and a little sarcastic and pitying laugh escaped from her. "As I told you before, I am going to get the best mark on the assignment and this means we're going to work better, more time and harder then any other pair. Understood?" I nodded.   
  
"Good." She walked away, not giving us another glance.   
  
She was just insane. This is going to cause her a nervous breakdown in the very near future. I never understand how she is such a good girl in her studies and the bad girl around boys. Remus thinks she had a twin sister, Peter voted for personality split and Sirius said it's all an act for turning all guys on.   
  
My gaze was still on the spot she stood and Sirius let out another sigh, which was very different from the over-dramatic one he made before.   
  
He gave the fat lady the password and entered the common room, with me on his heels. Remus and Peter were working on their homework on a far corner of the room. Remus waved at us and returned to his work quickly while Peter was much too concentrated in what appeared to be Arithmancy calculations to even look up.  
  
"I guess we should start our Aritmancy homework as well huh?" I asked Sirius, who seemed quite despaired from me. He nodded absentmindedly. "I'll get them." I walked up the staircase to our dorm.   
  
Sirius had these moods with me sometimes and even I can't blame him for it. He's sometimes just so despaired for my infatuation for Lily. And it goes away after a while so I mostly don't really pay attention to it, I just try to entertain him and make him cheerful again.   
  
I got back down and we started working on the huge amount professor Vector assigned as with. The teachers are getting crazy, with the NEWTs in a while and all, and seem to think we don't want to do anything else except homework all the time.   
  
About two hours past by and we were still working. Most of the youngsters were already at bed, but fourth year and above were still up due to all the assignments. It was quite quiet, except for a few murmurs between students and I felt very worn out.   
  
Suddenly the portrait swung open making many eyes turn to look at it. But the two people who were reveled from outside didn't even seem to notice the existence of all the others. What I saw made my heart go sore. Lily just came inside the portrait hole with her arms wrapped around the neck of Stanley Davis, her Ravenclaw boyfriend. She was kissing him quite passionately and he kissed her back with his hands dangerously low around her hips. All the girls immediately 'ewwww'ed and almost all the boys sent jealous glares to the lucky Ravenclaw.  
  
Remus instinctively took his books and parchments and disappeared up the stairs, Peter cast a quick glance at her and returned to work and Sirius looked at the pair of them disgusted.   
  
And me? I couldn't get my eyes off them.   
  
I just couldn't. I was watching every move they made.   
  
They were sitting on one of the little couches in a distant corner. On of her hand was now grasping the back of his head and he was still holding his hands very low on her hips.   
  
They are together for about three months now. Her boyfriends don't last long, though I think she would have wanted them to. It just seems to end after a few months. Just like that. They would be seen together more rarely and eventually she would break up with him. She would be single for a few months and then next to the new boyfriend.   
  
Like a true Gryffindor she was always loyal to her boyfriends. This is one of the things I respect her for. Especially because she has lots of guys wanting her, but when she's taken, she faithful. Sirius says it's got nothing to do with loyalty, because she'll break up with him after a while anyway. But Sirius always sees her in the bad ways, just like I see her in the good ways.  
  
I kept looking at them. Most of the other Gryffindors stopped being interested in them, or at least tried to look like they were. I wish I could too but I just can't. I keep looking at them and imagine how it would be if I was in his place. But I'll probably never be able to really know how it is. I'm certain it's ten times better then how I imagine. But, right now, I don't see any way I'll be able to really know.  
  
And I try not to be jealous of him, because it's not his fault - she's simply irresistible, but I keep thinking I deserve her much more then all of them. Because I honestly love her and I'll always will.   
  
  
  
A/N This fic is making me incredibly sad but I seem to like it! Am I a bit disturbed? Lol... PLEASE REVIEW!!! I think it may deserve it... do you? ;) All ideas and recommendations are very welcome!  
  
My livejournal, for updates and my life:  
  
http://www.livejournal.com/users/tta  
  
Thanks to the ones who reviewed last time:  
  
Marzoog - I don't mind you rambling at all! I love rambling!!! :) Could males in school be sweet and cute? Oh I sure hope so as well!  
  
Lil lily - I know it's really clich? putting them together in the project but I had no different idea for... well, you'll see... *evil grin*  
  
Young Golden Unicron - dunno... I'll need to think about it.  
  
Coeur DE Lion - Thanks!  
  
YouDon'tKnowWhoIAm - I'll try longer chapters, but I just seem to find really good sentences for the end of the chapter which have to come in a certain point and finish the chappie.  
  
Raven-gal2002  
  
Alya1989262 - I think he is too.  
  
Lady fuchsia - I think I'll make some money opening a drug store with all your illnesses don't you think? ;)  
  
Alohamora - I just wanted to give you another thank you for the brainstorming. Could you believe I was being really stupid and forgot half of the things you and me suggested? But it gave me a creative outburst and that's good. Thanks!  
  
ImagirlRon - Save Lily? I won't do it. But I can't promise James wouldn't try to.   
  
Atlantis Forester - Is this sad as well?  
  
AvrilLavigneRocks - Will she find out what? I'm not telling if she's changing or not. Yes, she's strange, but that's what makes her special. And I totally support your penname.  
  
Sinnient Evans  
  
Quack Quack 88  
  
DaisyCutie - We haven't talked in LJ in a while, where are you?  
  
DiWitt 


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